Dolores Cannon

                                           

Throughout traditional education, specifically my English teachers would remark that my writing style was hard to follow. I remember being embarrassed and/or discouraged by this feedback. But I shall persist because I am Hasta sun, vedic astrology. And afterall, it is in my bone and blood to document, to write, to express through word. 

This is a personal ode to Dolores Cannon. I just discovered her last night. She is a messenger, an investigator. Passed to the other side, but very much still with us whenever we call and need guidance. Dolores, much like myself, has an insatiable curiosity . I am a ⅓ in human design. My path is investigation as well as experimentation. My grandmother on my dads side was also named Dolores. She looks very similar to Dolores Cannon. Hmmm. I spent hours today looking for a picture of my grandmother. I did find that, as well as my history, my past, my childhood, my smile, forgotten moments, and my big blue eyes. How wild that existing simultaneously is a child aspect of us, a teenage aspect of us, a bump in our mothers womb aspect of us. We were at one point in our conscious awareness this version of ourselves. At this moment, it is almost inconceivable to think that our legs and arms were half the size and our heads were growing to fit the size of our big and curious eyes. We know this happened but all we have are photographs and vague memories of that time. More than that, if we allow it, we have sensations in the body that hint at moments that affected our being, moments we weren't able to process safely, moments that would shape and stick, LITERALLY STICK in and with us.

When you know things and/or learn things, it is almost impossible to unknow them. Yesterday's deep dive into Dolores Cannon has time stamp projected me into a deeper remembering of things I already unconsciously knew. It widens and heightens our perspective of what is, reasons for what was, and possibilities of what is to come...

I can't help but emphasize that what happens to us in this lifetime is most certainly happening for us. When we wake up to the theory that our whole life is a practice of remembrance. The day you find it out is the day that life feels like it truly begins, even if it is at 33 years of age. The soul is eternal. The soul does not care about the slow moving density of this earthly birthday or calendar month. It cares about your ability to wipe the fog and glaze from your eyes quicker and quicker so that you can get on with the damn thing. 

But that's the thing. It's almost like the chicken and the egg scenario. Which came first? The remembrance only happens and is granted from above when we are ready to accept it. So do we have control of how quickly we can remember or get the privilege to remember? Dolores explains that this is a free will planet and that our life is nothing but a series of choices. Every choice taken, leads to the forming of the hologram that you currently reside. Also, every choice that was considered and not taken-did stem out into an alternate reality- not lived by this conscious state of the present that you currently find yourself in. 

Does this give meaning and reason to why we think about “ well, what if…” because quite certainly it is happening and we are just checking in with that aspect of us who is getting the “what if” as their existence? I am not the type of person, personally, who sits and does a lot of “what ifs,” but certain scenarios do plague me from time to time. Very unfortunately, I had to make the tough decision to have an abortion a few years back. I do not dwell and beat myself up over the decision that I made, but periodically I think about the tangled web and trajectory my life would have gone down had I stayed connected to this person by having their child, bringing another life into this world, and pulling the depths of myself up in this way. I guess though I could just check in with that version of myself and find out… She says that, “you know how it is,” but I ask her to elaborate…

“ you know how it is. With every new and incoming soul that you find responsibility for on this earth you will feel an in-pouring of love. But with the in-pouring of love comes an in-pouring of more energy and responsibility to understand and hold. The love is so pure and the delight of being a mother is so beautiful. You, well me…we have had to go through some more, very deep, dark nights of the soul because well, it's been quite difficult to understand how to let go and also how to allow all of this into life. Nonetheless, you are doing just fine, you are loved, and you are taken care of and are consumed with motherhood in a whole new way.”

You do notice that every time you make the decision consciously or unconsciously to tangle yourself with another person it's almost as if you have opened a wormhole into another world of possibilities. Dolores said something very interesting that I spent some time chewing on. She stated that some souls decide not to have children because they understand the karma it will create. Having children and all of these entanglements creates karma and some of us have to keep coming back and continuously repeating because we cannot get off the wheel of karma. We cannot learn the lesson. We just keep repeating “ I didn't learn anything, it was just an awful experience.” So I deeply implore you to look at the areas of your life where you see repetition. Repeating patterns, cycles, negative emotions, feelings of being trapped and drop down, asking God and your higher self “WHAT AM I TRYING TO LEARN HERE?” Earth school does not care if you have to spend 200 lifetimes on the same lesson, you will not graduate to the next grade until you have learned that lesson. 

My advice. It’s all a blip. So, don't take it too seriously. Observe more than you judge. Listen more than you react. And remember, things are not always as they seem. Have faith, trust love, trust life - It's got you held, you just have to learn how to relax into its hands.